Wednesday, February 29, 2012


"Each new life... No matter how fragile or brief... Forever changes the world."

As I sit here an emotional wreck and full of tears, I am also thankful as well. Today's news is bittersweet and we are left feeling sad but still happy. In the last couple of days, I felt physically different and called my doctor to speak about it. They asked me to come in for a check up where they confirmed that one of our twins had died around 10 weeks. I couldn't wrap my head around this news at first. We just saw two strong beating hearts two weeks ago but for reasons unknown, we now only have one of the twins. Today has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. We have been very sad to hear this news, but at the same time happy that there is one healthy strong baby growing normally with a strong heart beat. Next week will be the last of the first trimester and I can rest easy after that. We go back in next week for a follow up for the thriving baby. It's been a tough day for the Allen's but we will be ok. Where there were two, now there is only one, but there is one and I have to have faith that everything will be just fine.

Vanishing twin seems to be more common these days, but certainly still not easy for excited expectant parents. I found a good link if you want to know more about this click here...Vanishing Twin
Through research I have found that many mothers feel the same way that I do... sorrow for the loss of a baby, yet happy for the health of another. No matter at what stage of pregnancy when a baby is lost, a mother can't help but to grieve. It's normal. I carried two babies for over 2 months and one just wasn't strong enough to carry on...of course that's hard news to take. I will always think about our second baby and wonder "what if" but will remain positive and strong for our growing baby.  The doctor assured me that this baby is growing strong and chances are things will carry on as normal and this baby will continue to grow strong and be completely fine but of course especially now, one can't help but to worry a little. Next week will be my last week of my first trimester with another ultrasound to confirm all is ok and hopefully the next post will bring cheer. 
Thanks for reading~

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Oh, Tonya...I am so sorry for your loss.